Daniel Handler, How to Dress for Every Occasion by the Pope

“Bizarrerie”, pourquoi ? Parce que voici un extrait ô combien cinématographique d’un ouvrage complètement idiot mais fort plaisant : How to Dress for Every Occasion by the Pope, un guide très complet qui dévoile tous les conseils vestimentaires de sa sainteté (sur le ton débonnaire tranquilou qu’on lui imagine volontiers). Après une description fort instructive des incontournables et des accessoires de la tenue papale, l’auteur prodigue de précieux conseils pour se comporter comme il faut en société, dans les dîners mondains ou encore au cinéma. C’est pas de la fiction, c’est de la science-fiction.


“Excuse me, your Grace?” “Yes, Mario?” “I can’t see the movie – your hat’s in the way!!” If I had a few lire every time I heard that I would be redecorating the entire Vatican right now!! Does this mean, leave your hat at home? NO! Does this mean, take off your hat so the people behind you can see? Not necessarily. Does this mean, arrange for a private showing of the movie? Now we’re cooking!! Of course this isn’t always possible – it depends on what you do. Pope? Yes. Archbishop? Probably. Priest? You’re probably better talking to the archbishop to see what he can do! Nevertheless I’m going to go out on a limb and give private screenings my primo recommendo! But just because you’re not actually in a movie theater doesn’t mean you can sit around in sweats. Once again – I bet you can say it along with me – I’m talking about rings on your fingers, a big hat on your head and a robe and tunic on your main body. After all, a private screening is often full of important guests. This is another thing that’s good to talk about at fancy state dinners – “OK, who here wants to see Ocean’s Eleven? That’ll get the interest of royalty in a BIG WAY!!!

Do you see what I mean? Because it’s the theme of the whole book. If you look good people will treat you good. That’s the glory of my tips, Pope or no Pope: dress in your best hat, your best robe, plenty of good rings and yes, a good tunic too. And don’t forget the scepter stick! For dramatic gestures, it makes a big hit. “AND NOW … LET THE MOVIE BEGIN!”

pope tip American Beauty shouldn’t have won all those Oscars.

Daniel Handler (illustrations de Lisa Brown, sous le pseudonyme de Sarah “Pinkie” Bennett),
How to Dress for Every Occasion by the Pope
McSweeney’s, 2005

Un lien indispensable : le site de Lisa Brown, laquelle a signé d’autres ouvrages fondamentaux tels que la très bonne série des “Baby…” (Baby Mix Me a Drink, Baby Do My Banking, Baby Fix my Car, Baby Plan my Wedding…) qui permettra aux parents déprimés d’exploiter au mieux leur teigne de nourrisson.

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